Hearty Chocolate Chip Walnut Cookies

October hasn’t gone the way I thought it would. Just when you think you’ve got it all under control, the rug is pulled out from underneath.

I had high hopes at the beginning of the month that I’d be able to blog throughout Vegan MOFO but life had other plans. Instead of a quiet month at home, I put on my funeral dress for the third time for 2012 – the fourth time for the past 12 months. I seriously want to burn this dress – too bad it is actually a really nice dress…

My gram, my dad’s mom, passed away unexpectedly on Friday, October 12 – five months after my dad died and eight months to the day after my granddad,  her husband, died.

Nothing lasts forever.

This world is an illusion.

Nothing is guaranteed.

Today is all that is real…

Thank goodness I went to visit her in August. I almost didn’t go…

She was one of a kind – a gem. A little rough around the edges, but a star. Always eccentric, she sought to make everything fun and quite frankly over the top. A lover of the water, she swam 100 laps a day until recently. My dad got his zest for life and can-do attitude from her. For her, nothing was out of reach.

Imagining this world without her is near impossible – almost as impossible as reminding myself every day that my dad is not coming back. I still go to visit his grave and say to myself, he can’t be in there. Surely this is a lie we are living. But the leaves sway and the birds chirp and indeed the world continues to spin. Life continues. Even inside of me, life is growing.

To prepare for the funeral and the grueling week ahead I decided I needed something to give me strength – chocolate chip cookies to be exact. I’d made these cookies before and can attest to their name as “the best chocolate chip cookies” ever. Now, I don’t want to claim to have made them better, but in my humble opinion, I prefer the new version.

This was the first time I made them this way. I was trying to make a “healthier” cookie – I know, I know, a healthy cookie is an oxymoron, but I tried. I subbed the butter for coconut spread, the white flour for whole wheat, and the white sugar for coconut palm sugar which is lower on the glycemic index. Lastly I added chopped walnuts to the mix.

These were intended to take the family through a few days of grieving but they didn’t even make it all the way to Vegas. Halfway through the plane ride, they were already gone. I almost didn’t make them. But at 10pm the night before, I figured it would lift our spirits even if just for a moment – and they did.

Hearty Chocolate Chip Walnut Cookies

Adapted from Super Vegan

Ingredients

• 1 1/4 cup whole wheat pastry flour
• 1/4 tsp baking soda
• 1/8 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 cup coconut palm sugar
• 1/2 cup coconut spread
• 2 tbsp ground flax mixed with 3 tbsp warm water
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup vegan chocolate chips
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts

Directions

1. Mix flax with water and set aside several minutes to create a “flax egg”
2. Mix together flour, baking soda, and salt. You can sift if you like, but I always skip this step
3. In a large bowl cream together the brown sugar, coconut palm sugar,  and coconut spread with a fork. Add in vanilla and flax egg
4. Gradually incorporate the flour mixture into the sugar mixture with a spatula. You’ll have to work it a bit to get all the flour incorporated.
5. Add desired amount of chocolate chips and walnuts. Don’t worry if you have a hard time incorporating. Just try to get them mixed in as good as you can. Form cookies using a tablespoon and drop on a greased cookie sheet.
6. Bake at 300 degrees for 20-23 minutes. Don’t be alarmed, these cookies don’t spread. Just ensure they cook all the way through.