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June 17, 2012 § 5 Comments

Today was as could be expected – pretty brutal, but we managed to power through. I knew this week was going to flat out suck. There’s just no other way to put it. Thursday would have been mom and dad’s 32nd wedding anniversary. While they were fortunate enough to share 32 years together, they deserved and thought they had at least 20 more. They were a couple that was made for the long run. For my mom to be a widow at 54 is simply unreal.

And then there was the matter of today – father’s day. A day that I regret to say was never taken very seriously by me. I always bought dad a card and some sort of gift, but I’m not sure I ever put too much heart into it.

I recall last year, my dad was nominated as one of three Central Florida “Fathers of the Year” by the American Diabetes Association. My dad called me a few hours prior to the dinner and said “You just need to go up and say a few words about me.” He didn’t make it sound like a big deal, so I was prepared to walk up and say something about my dad. Nothing fancy, just talk. Well wouldn’t you know that everyone had speeches prepared! Speeches that involved the entire family, stories, and jokes. I sat there listening – I was last of course – and just kept glancing at my dad giving him the “are you kidding me?” look. I couldn’t believe he didn’t tell me to prepare better! I went up and was honest. What I said was my dad didn’t need this nomination. He was father of the year every year at our house. And that’s how I felt about father’s day. I never took it too seriously because I felt like every day was father’s day. I loved my dad deeply.  I did what he said. Where he led, I followed. And I thought he would be around forever. I just never saw the future without him.

Knowing this week was going to be tough, we arranged for a little surprise for my mom. We took her to the Grand Cypress resort this weekend for a quick little getaway. I still remember the first trip there with my family nearly 25 years ago. This was a place we came to over and over throughout the years. We took her to her favorite restaurant last night, Hemingway’s. I distinctly remember my 12th birthday spent there when my dad gave me an emerald ring. This was just one special occasion there – there were countless birthdays, mother’s days, Easters, and more spent in that restaurant. While there was a distinct longing for a fifth seat, we made the best of it and enjoyed the evening.

But today, I wish things were different. I wish my dad were alive. I wish I could have gone over to his house this morning and made him these pancakes which he loved. I wish I could wrap my arms around him tightly and not let go. I wish I could hold his hand and tell him how much I love him. I wish I could hear his boisterous laugh which I can’t believe after only 44 days is hard to hear in my heard.

I love you and miss you daddy, today and every day…

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